Thursday the twenty ninth of June, at one o one in the pm

Alroight, there are some things I wanna get off my chest.

First: I'm so disappointed that we are no longer in the World Cup. I stayed up to watch the match, and up until the last 10 seconds, it was the most exciting match I had seen yet. In my mind I was all prepared to go into extra time, so I was only half watching and half eating vita-weats with salami, pickles and cheese. Then I heard the whistle. I couldn't believe it. It was over. There was no way he was gonna miss a penalty. I was just lost for words.

Now don't get me wrong - I have no problem losing. We prob wouldn't have won if it went into extra time anyway. They had only 10 players for almost half of the match, and we just couldn't penetrate their defence. All to their credit. If we had gone into extra time and Italy scored in the first minute, I would have been so proud and happy that we got that far. It was just so disappointing for it to end the way it did... so cheap, so soft, so nothing of what we had been about during the entire Cup. But oh well. Shit happens, let's just hope that this has given more to soccer in Australia, so that in 4 years we can hopefully go back and have another crack.

The second thing I wanted to talk about: I saw The Omen last night, with some free movie tickets I got for Christmas. Man, talk about a crappy film. Now, I did go in thinking that I wouldn't like it, but I didn't think it was going actually be a really bad film. I haven't seen the original for a couple of years, but I don't remember the script being that bad. And apparently this new version stuck quite true to it. Or maybe I just made that up... I can't remember. Anyway, it really made it clear to me that today's movies are all about the cinematography, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, if it's in the right context. I mean, if it's an arty movie or whatever, and the story relies on the way it's being shot, then sure, go for gold. But when it's a movie that revolves around the plot, there's no need for fancy close ups, shaky cameras, loud, stupid sound effects that are just stupid. There were so many points during it where I found myself laughing out of embarrassment to Alice. She was laughing too... The script was really poorly written - rarely do you watch a film where you can imagine the words typed up on a piece of paper, but with this one you can. So many cheesy lines... it was bordering painful. ALSO, I won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it, but the where some air is injected into a drip is totally ludicrous. I've injected more into my line from time to time, and I'm still kicking and breathing.

Anyway, enough ranting. :) Apart from these two things, not a lot has been going on. I'm still working, which is alright, but I've noticed that I'm a bit more exhausted than I was previously. Nothing too bad, but enough to stop me wanting to go out and do anything. Plus the fact that at night it's fricken freezing outside. I'm seriously starting to get worried about the weather here - it's so dry and cold. No rain whatsoever. Winter should be full of wet and water. But not so far...

My chest is pretty clear still. I've finished the prednisolone, so I've had to make sure I'm really keeping up to date with all my physio and stuff. I've noticed a very slight increase in sputum when doing physio, but that's to be expected as I finished the course of steroids. I'm just hoping that I can keep on top of things from here on. I'm going to start up squash again next week, which should bring me back up even more. I have a clinic next Tuesday, and barring catching another bug, I should be alright for that. I'll let you all know how it goes (obviously).

Hmm, I think that's all I had to say. If not I'll type it up when I remember it.

Big love to you all

Rating: 6.8

What I'm listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium. Man, this is a good album. It's grown on me so much, and it's steadily becoming my fav Peppers album. :D

What's with this weather??

I mean, seriously, it's cold. Really cold. I don't ever remember Adelaide being this cold. The other night it got down to 0.2C... I'm lucky I have nothing to do at 8am except keep my bed warm. But feel for Alice - she has to leave for TAFE at that time, so the poor lass is freezing her wee bum off walking to the bus stop. Stupid weather...

Anywho, enough of that. So what's been happening with me? Well, for starters I've done a couple of shifts at Alpha again. Nothing too strenuous, just a few hours on Tuesday and a few more last night. I don't think I'm able to do a full shift yet, especially at night since it gets so cold and Alpha doesn't have the best heating system... But I'm hoping in a few weeks I'll be right to get back to my normal shifts. It is good to have money again.

And as far as my health goes I'm quite happy with my progress. I don't know if it's the prednisolone, being back at home, or I've had enough time for my body to recover, but I'm still getting a bit better with each day. My chest has cleared up to the point where I don't even cough up alot during physio, and between physio sessions I pretty much have a dry cough. I can't remember the last time I felt like this.

I don't know if any of you read her blog, but Alice is now actively taking part in my physio. Instead of me just doing breathing cycles to clear my lungs, she does PD (posteral drainage), which for those who can't remember seeing me in hospital when I was a young rascal, involves me lying down, and someone (in this case Alice) thumping me on my chest and back to losen up all the gunk. Some people don't find it that effective, but I find it's working a treat. So I'll keep on doing it until either I think it's not doing alot of Alice can't be bothered... but I don't think that will happen. She is just too darn nice!

So all is good in that respect. However, I still don't have alot of fitness. Being sick for as long as I was certainly took it's toll on my body, as I still get out of breath walking down the block. But I'm continuing my little walks to try and build that up.

As far as the house goes - we've decided that we're not going to jump the gun and think about moving out... yet anyway. We've decided that we're really going to keep it clean, but on top of that, when we find out if we can extend the lease, we might fork out the money to get our room re-carpeted and re-beaded around the edges. That should help quite alot. Other than that, I don't think there's alot more we can do - any other house that we would want to rent would probably have the same problems, except it would be twice as expensive and in a twice crappy area. So really, work that out... Unless we get a unit, but there's no way us 3 want to do that. So it looks like it's Norwood for the time being. And for those who we haven't invited over yet - don't feel bad. We still love you. It's just that things haven't been that great to have company. But as things improve I'm sure you'll be getting your invite in the mail (and by mail I mean either a text or email). Good ol um-personal technology. :)

I think that's about all... so how's about them Socceroos eh? Twas a mighty fine game against Japan. I was getting very frustrated and thought all was lost towards the end, but then they pulled out 3 goals and all was well again. I wasn't going to get up to watch the Brazil game, but then I thought to myself, when will something like this happen again? We prob won't win, but we could draw, which would be totally awesome! Call it wishful thinking, but eitherway I'm going to be patriotic and set my alarm for 4am. Who's with me??

Rating: 6.3

What I'm listening to: Kate Havnevik - Melankton (I thoroughly recommend this one - I go the cd last week and haven't been able to put it down yet). Click here to check her out.

p.s. I've put a few new piccies up. Nothing exciting or interesting, but fun nonetheless :)

One week (and a coupla days) on

So here I sit - 1:05am on a Monday morning (1:30am now after re-reading - oh yes, I did professional writing at uni remember) and not alot to do. The UK Grand Prix finished (and Webber crashed out in the first bloody lap), Mexico are playing Iran in the World Cup (but I can't be bothered watching it), so I thought I would post. Seems only fair...

Firstly, I have to mention some awesome news. Alice has decided to start her own blog! How awesome is that?? I think she did catch the bug from posting for me while I was in hospital. Not only that, but she's really keen to get some sort of support network/group for partners of cf's going, since there isn't alot in that area here. I think it's a great idea - it's definitely something she would be able to do really well. So to all those who think may be interested in reading (and even if you're not, go read anyway since she is just the best person ever) please go over and have a look, as well as telling anyone who you think may be interested in it. The address is http://alicepotter.blogspot.com/ She is really keen to talk to others, so even if you want to say hi or send some loving words, she'll be very glad to hear it. Of course, if you think you would like to get in contact with her in regards to cf stuff, that'd be even better.

Now onto me, since that is why you all come here after all... ;) The last week hasn't been incredibly eventful; I haven't done alot of outings or anything. We have hosted a couple of dinners which have been very lovely. The company is always good, and especially if it means that you don't have to leave your own house! We had Kate and Wayne over for some nice red chicken curry, and then last night we had Dan and Ben over for burritos. Mmm. Good stuff.

As far as my health goes, things have been on the improve. Very slightly mind you, but still getting better, and not worse. My lungs have cleared up a bit more since last time, but I think this is the best they're going to get. It's at the stage where I will cough a bit up during phyiso, but throughout the day it's pretty much a dry cough. It feels good to be able to have a nice sounding cough again. My throat however is still a bit sore, especially when I'm doing lots of coughing, such as during physio. But this is another thing that I think I'm going to have to get used to - that my throat is not going to be in pristine condition again. If I'm doing physio, I'm coughing lots which is going to irritate my throat, and if I'm talking for more than 15 mins the same affect happens. It's not too bad though - it's just adjusting which is the tough part.

There is something else that I'm not too happy to report - we're thinking that it is possible after all that it is the house that has contributed to making me sick. I'm not a happy chappy. I love this place. It's awesome. It's in the best location and it's so friggen cheap. But since it is old, there are probably some little nasties lurking around in the walls and floor. I came to this conclusion because I asked Ben and Claude whether they had noticed anything since staying here, and they both said that they are wheezing a bit, which doesn't normally happen. But Alice and I are defiant - we are going to really make an effort to keep the place spotless (vaccuuming as well) and replace things like the old curtains to see if we can't combat this. It's just too good a place to give up. A good test will be when I go back to clinic in 3 weeks to see what my lung function is...

The prednisolone doesn't seem to be having any real nasty side affects apart from my non-sleepiness. The other night I made myself go to bed at 4 am just because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not because I was tired at all... but if that's the worst, I'm not going to complain.

Aside from physio, the little walks I'm making myself do to try and improve my fitness, and eating, I'm afraid I haven't got alot to tell. I have been keeping myself busy though on the Sia forums... man, I tell you what guys, if you ever need to find a nice forum where the board memebers aren't jerks that accuse you of being an effing moron for not knowing who "the artist" collaborated with when they were in high school, check this one out. I have a link to Sia's site on the right. It is the most loving group of people I have ever met (or not met, as in this case) and make you feel very welcome. And it's very easy to get sucked into posting the most random stuff... well, if you are up till 4 am every night, you need something to do to keep yourself occupied. Yes, I am a nerd.

That's it. I think my typing is waking up Alice. I'm signing off now.

Rating: 5.8

What I'm listening to: Zero 7 - The Garden

Jaan is back in the building!

being cosmopolitan
Originally uploaded by jaanus83.

Hey all!

Yes, it's true: I'm finally out of hospital. While it was fun to start off with, after 4 weeks it kinda got a bit boring. But before I go on, I wanted to say thank you to all who sent me messages and emails. Alley made sure to relay them to me. And while we're on the subject, how good a job did she do at keeping you all in-the-know about how I'm doing?? Let's all give her a round of applause (Yeah! Woo! She's the best etc...). In fact, I think she may have even taken to the idea so much that she might even start her own blog... it might have an interesting spin on it from her perspective about things. What do you think? Let me know...

Well, I'm back at home so I guess I should get everyone up to speed. I won't go into too much detail as to what I was doing in hospital since Alice has already mentioned it. But I'll give a brief rundown... Basically the docs couldn't figure out why I was so sick so they decided to change my antibiotics for another two weeks (which meant I had to be re-admitted). But they didn't seem to do anything... so much so that they decided to put me on Prednisolone to see if that helped. It's an antiinflammatory so they concluded that it may help with my poor lung function. I think the doc said, and I quote, "We're clutching at straws" when I asked what was wrong with me. Nice and promising... but they had no other option. Every test they did came back negative and pointing to the fact that I had nothing wrong with me.

In saying that, I've noticed that my lungs have cleared up quite alot over the last month, which is very nice to not be coughing up crap all the time. But I'm still very short of breathe. To give you an idea: I get puffed out talking for longer than 5 mins, letalone going for a walk or going out. Not the best sign. But theoretically, the Prednisolone should help that a bit. At least I'm hoping anyway... So I'm home for 3 weeks on that, and then I have another clinic to see where I'm at. We won't get ahead of ourselves, but if for some reason I don't get better, then I'm pretty sure I'll have to have another admission. But I'm not too fazed by it. I've already conceded that this year isn't going to be a typical year for me. I've already gone in for iv's twice this year (which is doubled what I normally do).

Surprsingly my state of mind isn't doing too bad. When I first went in, I was feeling very crap and sorry for myself. And I have to admit that when I wasn't getting any better it was hard to try and be optimistic. But after I was re-admitted, I changed my expectations and things seemed so much easier to cope with. I stopped thinking that the iv's would miraculously make me better in a few days, which is what they normally do. I just took each day as it came, and I was much happier. In the last week I was sure I wasn't going to get much better, so I wasn't so disappointed when they put me on the steroids and said there isn't a whole lot more they can do for me. Even if it wasn't the right thing to do (consoling to the fact that I wasn't going to improve much), I definitely think that it helped me get through this admission. If I still had that same expectation, I would have been much more upset and shocked that I wasn't getting better and that I had to go home with that on my mind.

Another thing to keep in mind, as the doctor and psychologist told me, is that it's not uncommon at all for cf's to have a back to back admission; something which I had never had until now (which explains my freaking out). They said that quite often cf's will sometimes have 3 admissions in a roll and then be back to normal afterwards. It's possible that I just had a really bad strain and it will take me a bit more time and treatment than usual to get better. Also, at 23, it's really good that I only go into hospital once a year for antibiotics. Alot of other cf's go in much more, so putting that into perspective, things aren't as bad as they may seem. Even if my year consists of 3 or 4 admissions in it, that's not necessarily a bad sign if my lung function doesn't decrease overall too much. It just means that it takes a little more to keep me healthy. Afterall, my lungs and body aren't what they were when I was a teenager, so it's expected that things will decrease a little. AND let's not forget the fact that cystic fibrosis is a degenerative disease... and we all know what that means. But that doesn't mean that I've given up trying to get better. Not at all. I'm just saying, that IF I wasn't to get much better, then I think I would be able to handle it adequetly, something which I definitely wouldn't have been able to do before this admission.

But enough of that. Now that I'm back home, things are nice. We had an inspection, so for the first time since we moved in the house is looking spotless. So much so that we really want to try and keep it clean. Let's see how long that lasts... but it's going good so far. I still haven't gone back to work yet, and I feel really bad about it. I've taken so much time off. But since I still am not a helluva lot better, I don't think I would even be able to do a shift straight through. It's quite pathetic really... but I'm not going to convince myself otherwise and get sicker.

I think that's about all from me... probably something else, but I've forgotten if there is. Thanks again for all your support during this time. It makes it that much easier to cope with. But don't you worry, I'll be back.

Rating: 5

What I'm listening to: The String Quartet Tribute to System of a Down

P.S. I've put up some pics from my time in hospital. Not the most exciting, but they're new!