Jaan is back in the building!

being cosmopolitan
Originally uploaded by jaanus83.

Hey all!

Yes, it's true: I'm finally out of hospital. While it was fun to start off with, after 4 weeks it kinda got a bit boring. But before I go on, I wanted to say thank you to all who sent me messages and emails. Alley made sure to relay them to me. And while we're on the subject, how good a job did she do at keeping you all in-the-know about how I'm doing?? Let's all give her a round of applause (Yeah! Woo! She's the best etc...). In fact, I think she may have even taken to the idea so much that she might even start her own blog... it might have an interesting spin on it from her perspective about things. What do you think? Let me know...

Well, I'm back at home so I guess I should get everyone up to speed. I won't go into too much detail as to what I was doing in hospital since Alice has already mentioned it. But I'll give a brief rundown... Basically the docs couldn't figure out why I was so sick so they decided to change my antibiotics for another two weeks (which meant I had to be re-admitted). But they didn't seem to do anything... so much so that they decided to put me on Prednisolone to see if that helped. It's an antiinflammatory so they concluded that it may help with my poor lung function. I think the doc said, and I quote, "We're clutching at straws" when I asked what was wrong with me. Nice and promising... but they had no other option. Every test they did came back negative and pointing to the fact that I had nothing wrong with me.

In saying that, I've noticed that my lungs have cleared up quite alot over the last month, which is very nice to not be coughing up crap all the time. But I'm still very short of breathe. To give you an idea: I get puffed out talking for longer than 5 mins, letalone going for a walk or going out. Not the best sign. But theoretically, the Prednisolone should help that a bit. At least I'm hoping anyway... So I'm home for 3 weeks on that, and then I have another clinic to see where I'm at. We won't get ahead of ourselves, but if for some reason I don't get better, then I'm pretty sure I'll have to have another admission. But I'm not too fazed by it. I've already conceded that this year isn't going to be a typical year for me. I've already gone in for iv's twice this year (which is doubled what I normally do).

Surprsingly my state of mind isn't doing too bad. When I first went in, I was feeling very crap and sorry for myself. And I have to admit that when I wasn't getting any better it was hard to try and be optimistic. But after I was re-admitted, I changed my expectations and things seemed so much easier to cope with. I stopped thinking that the iv's would miraculously make me better in a few days, which is what they normally do. I just took each day as it came, and I was much happier. In the last week I was sure I wasn't going to get much better, so I wasn't so disappointed when they put me on the steroids and said there isn't a whole lot more they can do for me. Even if it wasn't the right thing to do (consoling to the fact that I wasn't going to improve much), I definitely think that it helped me get through this admission. If I still had that same expectation, I would have been much more upset and shocked that I wasn't getting better and that I had to go home with that on my mind.

Another thing to keep in mind, as the doctor and psychologist told me, is that it's not uncommon at all for cf's to have a back to back admission; something which I had never had until now (which explains my freaking out). They said that quite often cf's will sometimes have 3 admissions in a roll and then be back to normal afterwards. It's possible that I just had a really bad strain and it will take me a bit more time and treatment than usual to get better. Also, at 23, it's really good that I only go into hospital once a year for antibiotics. Alot of other cf's go in much more, so putting that into perspective, things aren't as bad as they may seem. Even if my year consists of 3 or 4 admissions in it, that's not necessarily a bad sign if my lung function doesn't decrease overall too much. It just means that it takes a little more to keep me healthy. Afterall, my lungs and body aren't what they were when I was a teenager, so it's expected that things will decrease a little. AND let's not forget the fact that cystic fibrosis is a degenerative disease... and we all know what that means. But that doesn't mean that I've given up trying to get better. Not at all. I'm just saying, that IF I wasn't to get much better, then I think I would be able to handle it adequetly, something which I definitely wouldn't have been able to do before this admission.

But enough of that. Now that I'm back home, things are nice. We had an inspection, so for the first time since we moved in the house is looking spotless. So much so that we really want to try and keep it clean. Let's see how long that lasts... but it's going good so far. I still haven't gone back to work yet, and I feel really bad about it. I've taken so much time off. But since I still am not a helluva lot better, I don't think I would even be able to do a shift straight through. It's quite pathetic really... but I'm not going to convince myself otherwise and get sicker.

I think that's about all from me... probably something else, but I've forgotten if there is. Thanks again for all your support during this time. It makes it that much easier to cope with. But don't you worry, I'll be back.

Rating: 5

What I'm listening to: The String Quartet Tribute to System of a Down

P.S. I've put up some pics from my time in hospital. Not the most exciting, but they're new!